Intramurals

Hi there, I’m back again to another piece of story about my experience in our Intramurals this second week of september. Once again, I’m Ayisha Mae Diwayan.

Intrams? Yes, it’s fun. You had to spend your day playing sport and not being incage at your classroom. You’re out there having fun and not inside the classroom solving a hard problem in math. Most of the student likes this part of the month, especially those atlethes who’s eager to play and have a match with someone. I, may say, that i do not enjoy playing this event. Ask me why, because once I participate in some kind of game that many people are looking forward to watch, my anxieties are the first one to strike not the courage that I had, which makes me feel like I’m out of space, which makes me overthink “can i even do this?”, “am I able to do this?”. Embarrassment is the one that keeps me in my own place, I know I have to move forward but doing that is something I couldn’t take a risk for, it’s either I’m stuck at my past or just scared at the people around me.

A classmate of mine gave me an advice. Yes, I really do love volleyball. I would give my all just to have this trainings and advices. Playing volleyball makes me happy, it really does. It’s just that..my low-self esteem is what makes me hold back. The insecurities and thoughts always running around my head is what always makes me hold back. It’s always the thing that limits me for what I want. I’m thankful to that classmate of mine giving an advice to me, even though I know that I won’t be much of a player at that time I’m glad that I still have them at my back. I appreciate it, his words. Maybe someday or sooner I’ll gain the confidence and the courage to give all that I’ve got.

I’m not really looking forward to be a starting player when our match begin. I was just there, standing, staring at my teammates, thinking “we’re not close, there’s no trust build in between us, so I don’t think we had a chance on winning this”. While thinking, my thoughts drifted to part where all the volleyball team is. If we had a lot of time, bonding, and giving advices, will a team be form? Will trust be there? Or just the players skill and talent?

As I think, my attention was caught by my teammate calling me so that I will substitute my other team. I went there, inside the box, I was calm at first, but then I looked at the people surrounding us, Watching us, my anxiety and insecurities kicked in making me tumble inside, unable to focus and unable to play well. Not even a 10 minutes I was out of the court again, I mean that would be better cause if I stay there a bit longer, maybe I’ll be the one dragging the whole team down.

So, while the match continue, I decided to just leave and go home cause my head was throbbing, and I know I won’t be called again. Now, this year, my Intramural experience is not good, not bad, it’s just like a normal day. Like how I spend my day, I don’t really know if I enjoyed it or not. Because staying there feels like I’m inside of a cage waiting for a good moment to fly away.

Anyways, that’s all I can say about my day, my experience in this year’s intramural.

Thank you for reading, see you next time.